SELF-DEFENSE AGAINST VERBAL ASSAULT - SHAME, ANGER, AND THE SOCIAL BOND

With many years of experience and refinement, the arts of self-defense against physical assault are highly developed; Without an. effective theory and a useful practice, there is little in the way of self-defen se against verbal assault. For THEORY, I draw upon. ideas from aikido, family, systems theory, and the sociology of emotions. Since unacknow ledged shame seems to generate rage and damage social bonds, I emphasi ze the management of shame, anger, and bonds. To illustrate the meanin g of these principles, I offer several episodes as examples, using the METHOD of discourse analysis. I apply this theory and method to the P RACTICE of psychotherapy by describing some rudimentary principles of defense of self against verbal aggression, especially the subtle aggre ssion of innuendo. Psychotherapy is often. an. arena of verbal aggress ion by both therapist and client, even though. it is usually unintenti onal and outside of awareness.