ON LOVE

This paper aims to stimulate awareness of the relationship between adu lt heterosexual love and sexual health. Although rarely discussed in p rofessional circles, adult love is a powerful ideal that strongly infl uences both individual and relationship psychology. A gap between one' s personal ideal of love and the actual experience of it inevitably ap pears within a long-term relationship. The feelings and behavior that stem from the gap become a crucial management issue for each individua l in a relationship. The gap is minimized by an array of defenses and competing life demands, which either enhance or destabilize individual and relationship well-being. Idealization, denial, and rationalizatio n are necessary to preserve the internal sense of loving at all phases of the committed relationship. The limitations of various definitions of sexual health are reviewed. Sixteen suggestions for preserving sex ual health in long-term relationships are offered. Most of these invol ve guidelines for overcoming narcissism. The limitations of modern the rapists, even sex therapists, for forthrightly dealing with sexual pro blems in terms of love are highlighted.