This paper aims to stimulate awareness of the relationship between adu
lt heterosexual love and sexual health. Although rarely discussed in p
rofessional circles, adult love is a powerful ideal that strongly infl
uences both individual and relationship psychology. A gap between one'
s personal ideal of love and the actual experience of it inevitably ap
pears within a long-term relationship. The feelings and behavior that
stem from the gap become a crucial management issue for each individua
l in a relationship. The gap is minimized by an array of defenses and
competing life demands, which either enhance or destabilize individual
and relationship well-being. Idealization, denial, and rationalizatio
n are necessary to preserve the internal sense of loving at all phases
of the committed relationship. The limitations of various definitions
of sexual health are reviewed. Sixteen suggestions for preserving sex
ual health in long-term relationships are offered. Most of these invol
ve guidelines for overcoming narcissism. The limitations of modern the
rapists, even sex therapists, for forthrightly dealing with sexual pro
blems in terms of love are highlighted.