HE JUST HAD A DIFFERENT WAY OF SHOWING IT - GENDER DYNAMICS IN FAMILIES COPING WITH CHILDHOOD-CANCER

This article draws on qualitative in depth interviews with mothers and fathers in thirty-five families in which a child has been diagnosed w ith cancer. Gendered patterns in which mothers and fathers deal differ ently with both emotions and emotional needs when their child has canc er are examined. It is argued that the gender dynamics which develop a re the consequences of a complex mixture of external constraints and i nternal inclinations. The research found important commonalities in th e ways in which women as a group and men as a group deal with child ca ncer. Fathers' tendencies to distance themselves emotionally from the illness resulted in a reluctance to talk, the playing down of the impa ct of the diagnosis and an unrealistic, overly, optimistic stance. In contrast, women's coping mechanisms involved a much more close-up emot ional engagement with cancer in which some women became so immersed in their child's illness they felt that they were drowning. The article concludes that the accommodations most couples reach when their child is seriously ill are inscribed in dominant representations of caring a s women's work. In the process of dealing dealing with childhood cance r the familial status quo is disrupted The result is to increase alrea dy existing inequities in divisions of both both practical and emotion al labour between women and men.