Children in the child welfare system face renewed issues of loss as they en
ter adoptive placements. Every move is a loss and an exercise for the child
in establishing the perception of a "safe" environment. Resilient children
who have been abused develop coping skills to adapt to their abusing "unsa
fe" environments. When these children become part of an adoptive family, th
ese coping skills need to be recognized as providing important cues to the
child's world, rather than as challenging behaviors. The author deconstruct
s the words of resilient children into five themes that can help provide ac
cess into the children's world, a fresh viewpoint from which to assess the
adopted children's reactive behaviors, and a foundation on which an adoptiv
e relationship can be built.